April Cake.

<3

Thu, 28 May 2009 05:59:08 -0700

I will always love you. I don’t think I could ever imagine being disappointed in you, becuase that would mean I would be having negative thoughts about you.

I could never do that to you or myself.

For the past 1 1/2 years, you have been one of the most positive factors in my life.
Giving me a reason to live even longer than I would ever want.

You say your life is coming to an end. And how you are wanting to die until you can see me for one last time. To say goodbye and prove how much you love me.
I love you just the same.

The imagine of you not being around breaks my heart and I dream of the days when your heart was well again. When you didn’t go unconscious everyday. When you weren’t fading away from existance.

But you will always be fully alive in my heart.

You know I hate the topic of death, especially of you dying. But, you remind me that you don’t have a lot of time left. I’m thankful you want me to know all the details so I know exactly what are your health ups and downs at the moment.

To comfort me, when I feel depressed about how you are feeling. You alwyas tell me regardless of what happens, you will alwyas be here. even if you are an angel watching over me.

I love you and I always will. And everyday I am scared I won’t be able to say goodbye, and are equally afraid too.

ex bff.

Thu, 14 May 2009 21:14:00 -0700

I really wish that somethings were more simple than others.
And that I wouldn’t think so much.

And that I wouldn’t be so terrified of losing you. again.

Fact 1.

Thu, 14 May 2009 21:11:44 -0700

Everytime I look into the mirror, I can see the scar that my eye disease left on my left eye. I like to keep observation of it, so make sure my eye disease stays hidden. This is why I do not like people staring at my eyes.

I love.

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:35:29 -0700

I love those trucks that have to numbers you can call to report their driving.

Whenever I see one, I LOVE to call in and compliment the driver.

One simple call COULD make a difference :)
And if not, then the driver jus got a good review. <3

Georgia.

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:08:57 -0700

Today, I was talking with one of my best friends,
He doesn’t have the best health and is moving away to Georgia.

Well, as we were talking, I told him I was really going to miss him when he moves away. And I was joking about how I am going to kipnap him and magicall nurse him back to health. Then he began to tell me how I should just move with him to Georgia and live with him. In all honestly, I would love to more than anything else in the world. One problem - I am already signed up for college. And there is no way my mom would put up with me moving across the country to take care of my dying friend and spend every last day with him.

Life is beautiful, but it loves to break hearts and break people down until they aren’t sure what else is left. But it can’t break me. No, I won’t let it.

Because I have some of the most amazing people in my life, who spend each of my days with love. So I’ll spend the rest of his days, knowing how much I appreciate and love him, even if I will be in San Diego.

Somehow.

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:27:22 -0700

Somehow. I am the other girl, without him even knowing?
It is crazy how my heart works all the time.

Graduation is coming!!

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 22:34:17 -0700

My Graduation is June 12th @ Mar Vista High.
You should totally come.
I’m making up the list of who all is going now.
you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

Spring Break 2009.

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 22:26:22 -0700

Friday, April 3rd.
Coaster to Oceanside.
Promotion. 3 Fuse’s. Smoking.
Show: Seven Layer Soul, 12oClockEnglish, BeforeTheThrone, The Malhereux
I Hop @ Night.
Partying. Drunken Nights. Lost Memory.

Saturday, April 4th.
Bedridden Most of the Day. Horrible Hangover.
Partying. Another Drunk Night.

Sunday, April 5th.
Red Cup frozen Yogurt w/ Jessika && Brandon.
Beach @ Oceanside.
Border Patrol on the Greyhound. Funny Ass Shit.
Night Greyhound Home. Peaceful Ass Shit. (Oceanside -> San Ysidro)
San Ysidro Greyhound Station. Creepy Ass Shit.

Monday, April 6th.
Clean && Organize my room.
Drunk w/ Ellie.
Show: ASkylitDrive, InFear&Faith, ISeeStars, Dance Gavin Dance, AttackAttack
Seeing Old Friends. Seeing Matt Geisse sing w/ DGD. Attacking Danny.
Ellie Sleepover.

Tuesday, April 7th.
Movies && TV w/ Ellie.

Wednesday, April 8th.
Finished three essays.
Pressure Gabe into making a video for the Craig Contest.
Baked a Duck Cake that would later be decapitated.

Thursday, April 9th.
Vanessa’s 18th Birthday!!
Bake Vanessa a triple layer cake: chocolate, yellow, chocolate
Day with my girls. Ellie && Vanessa.
Hillcrest. Shopping. Taking Pictures w/ a camera we bought from a Thrift Store.
Yogart frozen yogurt. Playing games to 90’s pop Music. Singing Along.
Downtown. Shopping. Laughing to Much.
Pokez. Laughing to Loud. Leaving Heart Shaped Tips.
Show: Giant, Ghostlimb and Fed to the Wolves
Sleepover w/ Ellie @ Vanessa’s. in Tierrasanta.

Friday, April 10th.
Waking up to Rain Outside.
Searching Youtube && Found Gabe’s Video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6z1OTHfQwA
Talking All Morning. Laughing up a Storm && Telling Stories.
Going Home && Repacking.
Show: Misdelphia, Somato Sensory, Sky Habor
Learned Amazing New News. Saw amazing friends.

Saturday, April 11th.
Caught up on Sleep.
Watched weird movies with my dad.
Watched Slumdog Millionaire finally.
was told by my little brotehr how ugly I am. lol again.

Sunday, April 12th.
Went to Church. Learned I was still on the Prayer list for my eye problem.
Went out to bruch with my stepmom and little brother.
Napped. Watched True ER Untold Stories all Day.
Learned I will be meeting an uncle this summer!!
Came home.
Learned that I passed the English Placement Test.
So no English remedial class for me next year.

I believe that’s my whole spring break in short term. :) <3

Haha Hardcore or Broooootal? lmfao

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:07:10 -0700

BrightEyeslovles (6:03:19 PM): lol did u see my twitter update?
daydreamer91932 (6:04:21 PM): u are so hardcore
BrightEyeslovles (6:04:27 PM): lol
daydreamer91932 (6:04:36 PM): haha nah you are brooootal
BrightEyeslovles (6:04:41 PM): lmaoooo
BrightEyeslovles (6:04:59 PM): the only thing i love about dying my hair is that i get fake bruises!
BrightEyeslovles (6:05:06 PM): but then theyre hard to get off haha
daydreamer91932 (6:05:42 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
BrightEyeslovles (6:05:52 PM): :D

Distraught.

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 08:42:09 -0700

You have accepted what is going to happen, But honestly, I don’t want to.

I say how I don’t want to lose you. And I refuse to let go.
And you smile and tell me to hold on tightly. So I am.
I hope you cheat death becuase life without you would be practically empty.
I know I have tried my best to make you better, but I feel so useless.
I don’t want to watch you die right in front of me.

I am glad I will be seeing you soon.
When I do, I am never letting you go.

You aren’t even afraid. And I am scared to have you out of my life.
“Yeah, but, I’ll be watching you from those stars above”

I have too many people watching over me as it is.
Can all this please stop?

Is it bad that the second I met you… I immediately had feelings for you?I am not the type of...

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 00:03:00 -0700

Is it bad that the second I met you… I immediately had feelings for you?
I am not the type of person who just likes someone, but I guess you are different.
We automatically clicked as friends, and the rest is very personal.

Thank you for texting me from when I was on the greyhound until I got home.

And don’t get me started on our intense make out session. haha

If only.

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:02:17 -0700

To be quite honest. I am afraid I will never get the chance to say goodbye.
And it scares the shit outa me.

It is hard enough for me to ATTEMPT to imagine my life without you.
But it hurts even more knowing… these will be my last days ever seeing you again.
Ever hearing your voice and Seeing your smile.
I want to live in these moments forever.

Life sure knows how to break my heart repeatedly.

And to be quite honest….
I’d die at this very second if it meant you didn’t have to.

I ADORE.

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 22:10:10 -0700

I ADORE…….

- lemonade.
- long talks.
- talking about everything and nothing at the same time.
- my boys && besties. they complete me.
- traveling, anywhere and everywhere.
- baking for someone. becuase I love to see their eyes light up when I hand them it.
- going to shows e/ my budz. and just being ourselves.
- being surprised by someone. :)
- going out at night. I feel the most at peace then.
- swinging on swings at parks and just thinking back.
- reminiscing about life.
- and pretty much everything about life it general. it is just too damn beautiful.

This is what happens when you talk about A LOT for a while and idk what else to say.

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 22:03:40 -0700

carxcarxcrash (10:00:08 PM): lol
daydreamer91932 (10:01:19 PM): hmmmmmmmmm.
carxcarxcrash (10:01:27 PM): hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
daydreamer91932 (10:01:49 PM): hm hm hm hm hm
carxcarxcrash (10:02:07 PM): hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm
daydreamer91932 (10:02:15 PM): hmmmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmm
carxcarxcrash (10:03:02 PM): lol

Craig acoustic show @ mi casa.

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 06:48:16 -0700

Last night, I was blessed with having Craig play at my house.
It was positively amazing. I cannot begin to describe how I felt when Nick texted be yesterday morning about it, and how I felt as Time passed. Soon enough he came over with Nick, Brian, Kerrie, Joanna, and Whitney.

It was so great seeing Nick, Kerrie, and Craig again. I mean I see Nick all the time, but it is still alwyas great seeing him. And I haven’t seen Craig since the Cinematic Sunrise show last May. And I see Kerrie whenever she is randomly in San Diego. Everyone was so sweet.

About thriteen of my friends showed up, which is really great. I never knew my living room could hold that many people. I was so overjoyed that Gabe could make it too! That lovely amazing friend of mine. :) And he actually made the night so much better. Especially when He sang when Nick and Brian were playing weezer. Oh And did I mention that Gabe blew them away? haha he has an amazing voice. :)

Last night was the best night of my life so far. I cannot begin to describe how I feel. But, this all happened because of Nick. He organized it and put it all in place and I am eternally greatful to Craig, Nick, Brian, and everyone who made this happen.

I confess. the tattoo on my left hip…looks something like...

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 06:51:08 -0700

I confess. the tattoo on my left hip…
looks something like one of these stereos. :)

I am at a turning point.

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 21:06:23 -0700

I feel I am at a turning point.
I have less than three months until I graduate, but for me, my turning point is happening now.

I guess the last 5 years or so… have been big turning points in my life.

All the amazing people I have met who have formed and changed me along the way. I have lost friends and gained new ones. I am thankful for everyone I have met because somehow they have drastically changed my life. One little impact can change a lot, more than anyone can even realize.

Everyone emphasizes how “high school will be the best years of your life”. I guess, so far, these have been my best years so far. But, it had nothing to do with high school. Every year as I grow older, each year gets better and better, probably because regardless what happens. I become a happier person.

Over the past few weeks and months, I have realized who are my real friends at school. I have few. I do have friends, but most of them… aren’t at my school. I have been detatched from high school for the past few years. Few people at my school even can admit to knowing me as a person anymore, and it is my fault.

I am not afraid of graduating, becuase I am just leaving behind a school. I believe whatever happens, happens. We all will embark on different lives anyways, and I will hold onto the memories but not the past.

Life travels fast, and I am just trying to keep up.

story. uno.

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 19:43:00 -0700

I met this guy once. It was for only roughly thirty minutes but I remember his face and voice so distinctively. He is one of the only things I remember of that night. It was almost two years ago, and I was watching From Autumn to Ashes at Soma. I went to the show with my friend Josh, but we would always enjoy the bands separately and then meet up later.

I try to live with no regrets. But my biggest regret was not getting this guys number or even getting his name. As time passes, I think of him more and more. However, despite all the shows I have been to and all the people I have met, I have never seen or met him again. At every shows, regardless how big or small, I look for him.

It is crazy how sometimes the shortest meetings can change someone. I honestly am not sure even if I want to know what happened to him. If that was the only show he went to. If he never lived here. If he moved away. If he stopped going to shows. Or whatever else. I am seriously scared of finding out something bad happened. But to be quite honest, I doubt he even remembers me. Because I talked to him for such a short period of time.

I guess if I am meant to see or meet him again. It will happen.
Or maybe I know him now and I don’t even know it.

Maybe I will never know.

Pain pain go away.

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 19:29:12 -0700

Today, I went to see my orthopedic doctor/surgeo. [technically he is both]
Anyways, today I experienced something new and learned something great.

Let’s start with the great news.
Today, as I was talking with my mom on the way to the hospital, I learned that SINCE I am on the Military health insurance and have been since birth…
In the future, when I attempt at getting health insurance…
I will be starting over and they won’t have any proof of any of my past problems, diseases, or illnesses. The military keeps everything confidential.
SO, just as long as I keep my secrets, I won’t have to worry about getting health insurance.
I have been worried for a while that my eye disease, immune system issues, chronic sternum pain, and random illnesses would keep me from ever being accepted to an insurance company.
How greatful I am that the military will keep my secrets.

Now for the new experience.
Today, to treate my nerve issues in my foot, I got a shot. My mom told me that “Oh it is going to hurt so much!”. blah blah blah. It didn’t hurt, honestly. I am so relieved. But, it took me a little while to get used to a numb foot. x]<3

story.

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:09:39 -0700

I would absolutely adore to tell a story and hear a few.

Storytelling is the shit.