April Cake.

<3

I will always love you. I don’t think I could ever imagine being disappointed in you, becuase that would mean I would be having negative thoughts about you.

I could never do that to you or myself.

For the past 1 1/2 years, you have been one of the most positive factors in my life.
Giving me a reason to live even longer than I would ever want.

You say your life is coming to an end. And how you are wanting to die until you can see me for one last time. To say goodbye and prove how much you love me.
I love you just the same.

The imagine of you not being around breaks my heart and I dream of the days when your heart was well again. When you didn’t go unconscious everyday. When you weren’t fading away from existance.

But you will always be fully alive in my heart.

You know I hate the topic of death, especially of you dying. But, you remind me that you don’t have a lot of time left. I’m thankful you want me to know all the details so I know exactly what are your health ups and downs at the moment.

To comfort me, when I feel depressed about how you are feeling. You alwyas tell me regardless of what happens, you will alwyas be here. even if you are an angel watching over me.

I love you and I always will. And everyday I am scared I won’t be able to say goodbye, and are equally afraid too.

ex bff.

I really wish that somethings were more simple than others.
And that I wouldn’t think so much.

And that I wouldn’t be so terrified of losing you. again.

Fact 1.

Everytime I look into the mirror, I can see the scar that my eye disease left on my left eye. I like to keep observation of it, so make sure my eye disease stays hidden. This is why I do not like people staring at my eyes.

I love.

I love those trucks that have to numbers you can call to report their driving.

Whenever I see one, I LOVE to call in and compliment the driver.

One simple call COULD make a difference :)
And if not, then the driver jus got a good review. <3

Georgia.

Today, I was talking with one of my best friends,
He doesn’t have the best health and is moving away to Georgia.

Well, as we were talking, I told him I was really going to miss him when he moves away. And I was joking about how I am going to kipnap him and magicall nurse him back to health. Then he began to tell me how I should just move with him to Georgia and live with him. In all honestly, I would love to more than anything else in the world. One problem - I am already signed up for college. And there is no way my mom would put up with me moving across the country to take care of my dying friend and spend every last day with him.

Life is beautiful, but it loves to break hearts and break people down until they aren’t sure what else is left. But it can’t break me. No, I won’t let it.

Because I have some of the most amazing people in my life, who spend each of my days with love. So I’ll spend the rest of his days, knowing how much I appreciate and love him, even if I will be in San Diego.

Somehow.

Somehow. I am the other girl, without him even knowing?
It is crazy how my heart works all the time.

Graduation is coming!!

My Graduation is June 12th @ Mar Vista High.
You should totally come.
I’m making up the list of who all is going now.
you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

Spring Break 2009.

Friday, April 3rd.
Coaster to Oceanside.
Promotion. 3 Fuse’s. Smoking.
Show: Seven Layer Soul, 12oClockEnglish, BeforeTheThrone, The Malhereux
I Hop @ Night.
Partying. Drunken Nights. Lost Memory.

Saturday, April 4th.
Bedridden Most of the Day. Horrible Hangover.
Partying. Another Drunk Night.

Sunday, April 5th.
Red Cup frozen Yogurt w/ Jessika && Brandon.
Beach @ Oceanside.
Border Patrol on the Greyhound. Funny Ass Shit.
Night Greyhound Home. Peaceful Ass Shit. (Oceanside -> San Ysidro)
San Ysidro Greyhound Station. Creepy Ass Shit.

Monday, April 6th.
Clean && Organize my room.
Drunk w/ Ellie.
Show: ASkylitDrive, InFear&Faith, ISeeStars, Dance Gavin Dance, AttackAttack
Seeing Old Friends. Seeing Matt Geisse sing w/ DGD. Attacking Danny.
Ellie Sleepover.

Tuesday, April 7th.
Movies && TV w/ Ellie.

Wednesday, April 8th.
Finished three essays.
Pressure Gabe into making a video for the Craig Contest.
Baked a Duck Cake that would later be decapitated.

Thursday, April 9th.
Vanessa’s 18th Birthday!!
Bake Vanessa a triple layer cake: chocolate, yellow, chocolate
Day with my girls. Ellie && Vanessa.
Hillcrest. Shopping. Taking Pictures w/ a camera we bought from a Thrift Store.
Yogart frozen yogurt. Playing games to 90’s pop Music. Singing Along.
Downtown. Shopping. Laughing to Much.
Pokez. Laughing to Loud. Leaving Heart Shaped Tips.
Show: Giant, Ghostlimb and Fed to the Wolves
Sleepover w/ Ellie @ Vanessa’s. in Tierrasanta.

Friday, April 10th.
Waking up to Rain Outside.
Searching Youtube && Found Gabe’s Video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6z1OTHfQwA
Talking All Morning. Laughing up a Storm && Telling Stories.
Going Home && Repacking.
Show: Misdelphia, Somato Sensory, Sky Habor
Learned Amazing New News. Saw amazing friends.

Saturday, April 11th.
Caught up on Sleep.
Watched weird movies with my dad.
Watched Slumdog Millionaire finally.
was told by my little brotehr how ugly I am. lol again.

Sunday, April 12th.
Went to Church. Learned I was still on the Prayer list for my eye problem.
Went out to bruch with my stepmom and little brother.
Napped. Watched True ER Untold Stories all Day.
Learned I will be meeting an uncle this summer!!
Came home.
Learned that I passed the English Placement Test.
So no English remedial class for me next year.

I believe that’s my whole spring break in short term. :) <3

Distraught.

You have accepted what is going to happen, But honestly, I don’t want to.

I say how I don’t want to lose you. And I refuse to let go.
And you smile and tell me to hold on tightly. So I am.
I hope you cheat death becuase life without you would be practically empty.
I know I have tried my best to make you better, but I feel so useless.
I don’t want to watch you die right in front of me.

I am glad I will be seeing you soon.
When I do, I am never letting you go.

You aren’t even afraid. And I am scared to have you out of my life.
“Yeah, but, I’ll be watching you from those stars above”

I have too many people watching over me as it is.
Can all this please stop?